kimosumiko

“It’s not about the girls.”

Really? And yet it takes until around 50% before there’s a sex scene that doesn’t involve a girl. The girls do seem to be “just the excuse” though since they’re literally nothing more than props here. They could be sex dolls and the story would read about the same.

And maybe for some people that’ll be ok. But for me this just read bad. And maybe that has something to do with how I was CTRL-F’ing the word “cock” in this to see who would be top/bottom – it’s Sam/Dean btw, at least when they’re together as just them – because I have preferences and don’t want to waste my time reading a fic with the reversed roles if I know the moment I get to the sex I’m going to want to dnf, but I really don’t believe I’d think any higher of this story if that wasn’t the case.

Some of these sentences could have used a bit of work.

Feels his cock catch and drag against his brother’s, dry skin and sweet friction.

That’s not necessarily bad, but without context you have no idea who is who and it just feels awkward to read.

Sam fists a hand in his hair, tugs his head back, and he opens his mouth wider, lets his brother in, take everything, bitter taste of regret, black and fecund fear of dying, ashes and sacrifice and a lifetime of love and there’s nothing else but this—never has been anything else but this.

Uhm. I… don’t even know where to begin with this sentence. The part where I bolded really could have been the start of a new sentence and this would have read much cleaner rather than making me pause, double back, and try to decipher what exactly it is that I read here.

Sam sinks his teeth deep, sharp, stinging pain that…

It should be obvious that the “stinging pain” is something Dean feels in response to the bite, and the rest of the sentence helps clear that up sure, but… the rest of the sentence shouldn’t be where that clarification comes in.

I’ve made it sound like this is all bad; it's not, just mostly. Many sentences do make sense and flow, even the long ones. Sam and Dean still feel like Sam and Dean – at least for what I read – and the aching need between them is palpable. The midway sex scene, finally between just Sam and Dean, mostly reads well.

[B]ut it’s Sam and it really doesn’t matter if it hurts, because he’s been hurting with his little brother all his life and this is nothing compared to the ache in his heart all these years carved in the name “Sam”. And maybe, just maybe, with this, with nothing left between them but what’s always been there, that ache might ease a little.

Unfortunately, that halfway scene with just Sam and Dean is brief as it's only for the one scene. The very next chapter goes back to having a girl. At this point it feels like that third sentence in the synopsis – “It’s about them.” – is actually referring to girls rather than the brothers. And please. Don’t even get me started on the following chapter:

He holds you by your hips, positions you over his huge cock.

“That’s it, good girl,” he says, running his hands over your breasts.

Remember when I said the girl(s) could be dolls, nothing but objects just like how they’re written? I think this solidifies it. Now you get to be the object.

It’s not terrible. But it’s still a far cry from being good and not something I can recommend. Unless you want something that obviously could have used another set of eyes for editing or if you want a mfm story where the female literally serves no purpose. I might even have found this titillating



if a bit more care had gone into this story prior to posting.